


Confetti Kills

by trash4felixmcscouty (deanswhiskeyveins)



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Can you guess what it's referenced from, Cute, Depends on you I guess, Dumb Tucker, F/M, Fluff, Freckles-sitting, Pre-mortum one liner, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tired blue baby, Wash x Reader, emilywritesrvb, felixwritestrashythings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 14:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10413897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanswhiskeyveins/pseuds/trash4felixmcscouty
Summary: Gonna be posting more stuff like this here since I'm posting it in Wattpad, Tumblr, etc.Just spreading the love, ya know?Just a fluffy-ish piece with good ole' Wash.Feedback is always appreciated! x3EnjoyEm





	

“Miss Y/N!”

Oh shit, was it too late to hide?

“There you are! Miss Y/N I need your help with something.” You sighed, guess not.

“What do you need help with, Caboose?” you asked. You  _ really _ hoped he didn’t ask you to play another game of hide n’ seek with him and Wash again. The only good that ever came out of it was downtime with Wash while you hid together.

“I need you to watch Freckles for me today,” he said, motioning to the assault rifle in his arms.

The only thing worse than hide n’ seek? Freckles duty. “Are you sure, Caboose? Don’t you think Wash would be more qualified for this job?”

“Nah, he told me he’s actually allergic to Freckles and was just hiding it to make me feel better.”

That bastard. Why didn’t you think of that? “Oh, well I guess I could watch him for a bit. What are you doing today anyway?”

“Tucker said we were gonna play a game called Push The Crates. Said I needed to be able to have my hands free.” Caboose looked down and mumbled, “Dumb Tucker.”

Leave it to Tucker to trick poor Caboose into doing his work for him. “Okay, just try not to be gone too long, okay? And make sure to give Tucker a  _ real _ tight hug for me. I know he’ll appreciate it.” you said with a smirk, holding out your hands.

“Okay!” Caboose shouted before transferring Freckles over to you gently. Then he was off like a shot.

You looked down at the deadly ‘pet’ in your hands. “So… Freckles. Anything you wanna do today?” you asked.

“Negative.” the droid answered.

“Okay then. Do I have permission to go around shooting people with confetti to scare them?”

“Affirmative, Miss Y/N.”

“Yay! Do you have anyone in mind for our first target?” You were trying to decide between Wash and Grif, since they were usually the ones most in tune with their surroundings.

“Agent Washington’s heat signature reads the closest to our current position.” he replied. Wash it was then. Perfect time to get a little revenge for bailing out of Freckles-sitting duty.

Sneaking along the hallways, you and Freckles were brought to the new central facility’s makeshift office. After the fall of Armonia and subsequent defeat of the mercs, Space Pirates, and Charon Industries, a new center of command and living had to be established. Wanting to be as far away from radiation as possible but within a reasonable means of travel distance and closer to an alternate food source, Kimball and her forces had chosen to locate everyone closer to the coast. Everyday since then has been spent creating comfortable homes and close knit bonds.

Peaking around the open doorway, you see Wash hunkered down in front of various monitors, using one to list rations and supplies as well as go over attendance (winning didn’t mean it was safe to lose track of things now), and two others to coordinate a spreadsheet of safety and military drills along with stats onto a program that would use holograms to go through the drills with different variables. It would effectively reduce possible injury and the holos could be projected into a lifesize training arena once they had the proper equipment up and running. Thank God for Jensen and Lopez’s kickass skills.

Seeing the messy tufts of blond hair (obviously tugged at numerous times), zombie face, and heavy dark circles under those magnificent baby blues almost made you feel bad that you were about to give him what would most likely be a stroke.

Key word:  _ Almost _ .

Making sure to keep slow and silent steps, you crept behind his chair and put the muzzle of Freckles near the back of his head (not close enough to hurt him, of course). Everything was silent, until--

“Game over.”

Then you pulled the trigger.

Confetti was everywhere and Wash was nowhere to be seen. His office chair was spinning like mad with no one in it.

You blinked in shock before having the biggest laughing fit of a lifetime. Clutching Freckles to your chest, you fell to the ground practically in tears. Your sides hurt and you had so little air you were just a wheezing mess.

Best. Revenge. Ever… Of all time.

“Y/N what the fuck is wrong with you?!” Wash yelled. Well, looks like the scaredy cat crawled out from his hiding place. And he did not look pleased.

You sucked in a few deep breaths to get the oxygen flowing again. “Aah, hey Wash, fancy seeing you here. How’ve ya been?” you asked, making your way back into a standing position. Something told you Wash wasn’t in the mood to play chivalrous.

“That wasn’t funny, Y/N. I have half a mind to strangle you right now.” Wash scowled, the tired lines in his face deepening tenfold.

“Harming Miss Y/N is against protocol. Deadly force authorized.” Freckled chimed in monotonously.

Your eyebrows shot up and you made sure to keep Freckles pointed away from Wash. “No, no, no Freckles. No deadly force needed. I’m the one who scared Wash, remember? I’m the one to blame, and he has a right to feel this way.” you explained nervously, giving the gun a light pat.

“If you say so.” was Freckles’ only reply before going silent.

Wash just looked ready to jump off a cliff at this point. He scrubbed his hands over his eyes and let out a long sigh. “Please don’t do that again. I have a lot of stuff to get done and right now is really not the time for me to be suffering the biggest heart attack ever.”

“Of all time?” You tacked on the end of his quirky catchphrase, a small smile on your face.

“Yeah. That.” he chuckled, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his camo fatigues.

Setting Freckles down on a nearby desk, you went over to Wash and pulled him in for a hug, the momentum forcing him to bring his arms around you. You laid your head on his shoulder, his days old scruff brushing against your hair.

“I’m sorry for scaring you like that, I just thought it would be a funny prank, plus it was sort of revenge for,” you whispered so Freckles wouldn’t hear, “ _ babysitting duty _ .”

Wash groaned, digging his head into your neck. “I knew that would come back to bite me in the ass.”

“Got that right  _ Mr. I’m Allergic _ . We both know if you could, you would have a horde of animals with you at all times.”

“Yeah… But it meant I was off the hook.” You could hear the smirk in his voice.

“And I resent you for that, Agent Washingtub.”

“I told you to stop calling me that!”

“Doesn’t mean I’m gonna listen to you.” you said. Letting yourself out of the hug, you picked Freckles back up. “Now if not for your sake then for mine. Please let someone else take this over for a while and go take a nap. You look like shit warmed over.”

“Real kind of you to put it that way.” Wash’s lips were pursed, his tone dry.

“I know right? Now rest up champ. Can’t have my best boy looking like a cave hermit.” You kissed him on the cheek before strolling away from the office, leaving Wash with one of his darkest blushes to date and a big goofy smile. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt him if he had just a few quick winks.

Now on your way to the elevator for the main storage hangar, you looked down at Freckles, feeling more than a bit guilty. “Hey, Frecks, I think we should save the confetti kills for another day.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ve had enough misbehavior for one sitting, and there’s always next time, right?”

“Affirmative.”

With that, you continued the rest of your walk in comfortable silence. When the elevator opened to the hangar, you could hear the distinct sounds of grunts and heavy shifting echoing through the cavernous space, sparks flying about randomly at some of the designated welding areas. People assigned down here must still be at it then.

Caboose, Tucker, and Donut were stood by a Pelican currently in disrepair with their helmets off, Donut in the middle of a rant about structural soundness versus visual appreciation in the art of crate stacking while Tucker looked bored out of his skull. Caboose was just staring at the ceiling with a permanent smile stuck on his face. It was kinda creepy if you didn’t know him.

“Greetings, Captain Caboose.” Freckles said, turning the boys’ attentions to both of you.

“Freckles! I missed you so much!” Caboose threw his arms up, running over to squeeze the life out of you.

“Gah! Caboose- crushing me- please.” You wheezed.

“Oops, sorry Miss Y/N! Tucker told me to make sure to give you a hug back cause he said you would feel sad.” he smiled, now hugging Freckles tightly to his own chest. Poor thing, at least he was durable.

“It’s okay, Caboose. Just no more hugs for a while.  _ Agreed? _ ” You glared over at Tucker who had a lazy smirk on his face. “Unless Tucker needs one more just for clarity.”

Tucker put his hands up, “Hey, I’m a lover, not a hugger.”

“Wimp.” you grumbled. “Anyways, what do you say we hit up the mess hall? It’s almost dinner time.” You looked at the watch on your wrist.

Three quick replies of ‘yes!’ followed your question, which led to a race to the mess hall with you getting a piggyback ride from Caboose and winning by a long shot, and Tucker getting a bruised forehead since he smacked into a wall at a wrong turn (really needs to learn the layout of this place).

Life was good.

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna be posting more stuff like this here since I'm posting it in Wattpad, Tumblr, etc.  
> Just spreading the love, ya know?  
> Just a fluffy-ish piece with good ole' Wash.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated! x3  
> Enjoy
> 
> Em


End file.
